AOA You Have Reached The Pakistan Embassy

Ally emailed me yesterday and told me that I am going to a Junoon and Karavan concert on 5th June. My mom is also cooking "Keema Bharey Kareley" for me on Sunday. I am going to pick up Farah khala and bring her to our place Monday morning. I am taking a couple of friends out Tuesday night. While the good kid inside me makes all these good plans, the little devil inside me wants to shoot the people sitting in Washington. Why? Because while I crave to be in the humid , warm, polluted Karachi and drive around in my crappy Suzuki Swift, all I get is to be stuck in the calm and cool mountains of Colorado and get to drive a Pontiac. Yes I am still in Colorado. After repeated calls to the 202 number, and listening to the "AOA You have reached the Pakistan Embassy" tape like a gazillion times, they finally send me my tickets. Apparently they did not bother screwing me up even then because the tickets they bought were for Friday. Yes, a week of my leaves wasted. The good thing however is, that I am flying out Friday.

I went out and met Major Liaqat today, an old USAFA grad from Pakistan. He is here for his Masters.He is coming to the Academy tomorrow. It would be funny to see the reaction of his fully hijabified wife and 9 year old daughter to see girls running around in skimpy cloths and sun bathing in their bikinis in the quad. It would be funnier to see the reaction of all the people over here watching us walking around with a fully bearded man and a hijabified woman. He asked me if it was alright with me to escort them around and I said Absolutely.
I am planning to go to the Traffic Office tomorrow to apply for my license. I know it takes a long time to get the appointment for the test, but I have heard that they give priority to the military people. Hope that works. I am pretty sure I will clear the test.

I got my result today. All As and one goddamn B+ in English, my favourite class . My GPA for this semester is 3.92. Pretty close to a 4.0 eh? I am glad I pulled out As in all my finals.I bought some things for some people back home. Going out to buy a lot of candy tomorrow.

Me Vs The Dean

Breaking News : Score Card

Me Agaist the Dean : The Battle was tough, Papers were really hard. According to my latest intuition, I am winning 2-0. I think I retained my A's in the first two papers ; but they were the easier ones. Two more to go. Keep praying.

Getting my ticket tomorrow Inshallah. I will be home while my poor rommmate stays here to attend the graduation of the Senior class.



My roomy this semester, Sean (left) and my roomy from last semester, Jeff (right).

All of us are changing squadrons next semester, so I wont be seeing these kids a lot. I will miss them ! I hope I get good people around me next semester.

You better Pray for Me !

Ok Every One. As you all know that I am about to go through one the most important milestones of my life. Yes I have finals in 3 days and Yes I have not studied at all. Heres the plan. And you better stick to MY plan. I study a little. You pray a lot. I have a 4.0 right now. If i do decent in the finals and retain my 4.0, all of you get a treat. And I am good at keeping promises. Bet on me. Chances are good. Apun ney Mom and Nani ko mussaley par pehley hee bitha diya hai. They have always prayed their hearts out for me and my friend up there Who lives above the seventh heaven, has always been by my side.

I am not going to be posting at all for atleast a week. And I am going to try to post a little when I am home : which is hopefully in 10 days. Ya the Embassy is sending me E-tickets soon. Thanks for being by me. I hope all of you have a great time. I'll miss all of you. But Just know that i would be damn happy. Oh ya like Damn Damn Damn happy. My Dad is coming home from Saudia to see me for a week. I am going to Isloo and Risalpur to see all my mates. I am hanging out with my friends. I am getting into some fights and kicking the shit out of some people who have been bothering my mom in the mohalla. I am tutoring my bro and helping him go through his 2nd Year exams. I am meeting my friends fiance. She is so going to ditch him and fall for me....lolz....and after that all ~~ I am coming back. I will keep posting pics of me having fun to make all of you jealous. I know I am evil. If any one out of you, in the US or in Pakistan want me to bring you something; or bring back something for you; Lemme know.

Keep in touch you all. I Love You. Muah Muah Muah. Ok I dont want the PG rating to go up. lolz....Bye !

Hate Pandas

One of the guys in my squadron has this sign on his door that says " We Hate Pandas". A lot of people walked up to him and asked what was wrong with Pandas. He emailed the whole squadron justifying his hatred.

A lot of you have expressed concern or confusion as to why I hate pandas, well so I dont have to explain again, and so that you can all pass on this information to future panda haters, here are some interesting panda facts:

Pandas dont actually have an opposable thumb, thats what panda sympathizers tell you to try and make you like them its really a flesh covered extension of their wrists that lack many of the human thumbs abilities.

Pandas are not cute and cuddly animals, they are antisocial and withdrawn and usually very ornery animals. Mothers will only socialize with their cubs, and most territorial claims are approximately 3-5 square miles, making it hard for dense populations of pandas to exist because they dont even like each other why should we like them?

Pandas need to eat anywhere from 20-40 pounds of bamboo a day to get their daily nutritional requirements, that means they sit and eat for anywhere from 10-16 hours. Time that isnt spent eating is usually spent resting or sleeping because it takes a lot of effort to eat bamboo. My question why not just not eat something else? Because pandas suck, thats why. Pandas can only digest 20% of what they eat because its shitty bamboo whereas most other herbivores can digest 80%. Theyre not even efficient at eating bamboo despite the fact that thats been their diet over the last billion years of evolution, stupid pandas.

Pandas are also small animals, giant panda is a misnomer. Most pandas are smaller than the average lineman on the Falcon football team, the largest weighing in at about 250 pounds and six feet standing on its hind-legs. Hell, Luke could probably beat up a panda if he wanted, at least Luke works out, a panda just sits, eats and sleeps.

Pandas reproduce so infrequently because they can only give birth about every other year. Panda females also only ovulate 2-3 days out of a year, making it hard for them to get pregnant. What makes it even harder is the fact that theyre so antisocial, maybe if they didnt have that three mile territorial boundary around them, they would get laid more and have more cubs, but alas, theyre ornery antisocial little bastards.

Pandas in captivity are even less successful at breeding than pandas in the wild if thats even possible. Stick two pandas in the same room, inject them full of hormones and sit and try and get them to fornicate and whats the result? Two pandas sitting in a room looking for bamboo because theyre fat lazy bamboo eating worthless machines, thats what.

Panda cubs are helpless blind little animals that stay with their mothers for about a year and a half. Theyre worse than babies because at least babies arent blind for the first two months of existence. Fortunately for the cubs, they cant start crawling around after eight weeks, I hope they crawl into a bear trap.

http://www.big-boys.com/articles/panadabear.html poor tourist. I wouldve shot the panda. I wouldve shot the panda before anyway, but now I really wouldve shot him.

Anyway, I hope you now know why pandas are such a menace. The government supports these worthless animals with millions of taxpayer dollars every year when it could be going to so many much more worthwhile projects such as yield signs in Kansas or maybe another dollar coin (cause we sure as hell havent tried and failed at that three times already). So the next time you see a panda on TV and think, aww how cute, remember, the video and how vicious and worthless at the same time, these animals are.
V/R,
Q

Funny !

Scraps and Testimonials

Its a currency I tell you. Write a testimonial for some one and get things done. Scrap some one (mind you scrap has become a verb now) and make their day.

slave2evilz: dude u already have 32 testimonials
slave2evilz: what do u want my contribution for?
#censored#: lol
#censored#: u promised
slave2evilz: u are a freak

Problem Solving

My finals are near. I found the best problem solving technique ever !

Olive Garden

Olive Garden

If your idea of a good weekend is eating good food, watching 3 movies, and sleeping a lot : you just met your twin. It could have been better , but being the "Thankful for every thing" kinda guy that I am, I do not want more. Atleast for this weekend.
I went out with Sean, my roomy, and ate at Olive Gardens. The food was just awesome, prolly the best that I have had in my year long stay over here. I saw The Interpreter after that and I did not like it at all. I should have watched the Kingdom of Heaven. Anyways, the weekend was a relaxing one. Last week of school is up. Finals and then hopefully home. Cant wait for time to pass.

Adios !

Weekend Finally

Some times your week can be such a drag. Right when you feel you've had it, the mighty Friday shows up. I just love weekends. Not that I do anything on them except for watching movies and sleeping, but still they are just awesome. This Friday however did not start on a completely satisfying note. The Embassy hasn't bought my tickets as yet and they are blaming it on the Head Quarters back home. I dont know what to do. I called up the attache himself and asked him to call the government back home and take verbal permission to give me the freakin tickets. i dont understand why they drag it so much. They have to give em to me anyways. Why cant they do it sooner. If they dont give me the tickets, i am not going to Pakistan. I talked to Mom about it and she was almost crying. Lets face the reality, luck might not be on my side after all.

I dont blame anyone for anything. Maybe its a test of my patience. I waited for this for the whole year now, and now that I am so close, a mere 15 days, things have started going wrong. Maybe my " I am so happy" streak would take a strecth for another year. I miss my people. I miss my country. I dont wanna be here !

I watched Space Cowboys today. Clint Eastwood movies are real good. This was no exception.
Anyways. i am going out tomorrow to watch " The Interpreter". 10 days till finals. Lets see what happens !.

Stars

A delegation from the Army War College came to visit the US Airfroce Academy today, and we were invited to join the officers as Brigadier Tahir from Pak Army was in the delegation. He is doing this Army course thing here and is going back soon. He was amazed to see the three of us and we too felt good to escort him around and have lunch with him. It was amazing how all of us had the same views and thought that living in the US was basically a test of patience. We all are counting days to go home. It was funny how we were actually exchanging these jokes about our Academy lives and bitching about the Embassy.

It was fun to be with him. We bade him good bye in the evening and gave him some souveniers that I had to run and buy. I was like " Sir, give this to Lt Gen Aunty, and this to you Brigadier kids" and he was like, " What do you mean by Lt Gen Aunty", and I was like "Sir jee ghar main to woh Commanding officer hon gee". Old joke, but I knew it hit the spot coz he was like " Bachay You are eventually going to come back to Pakistan ~ I'll see you there ~ lolz" and I was like " Sir jee barey chahney waley hain Pakistan main ~ Chalain aap bhee sahee".

In short, I had fun. If any one out of you guys who read this, ever come to Colorado ~ call me up. Hum be ghar ke bachay apni jaisey logon ko dekh kar bohat khush hotay hain !"

mAy ~ Snow?

Come on~ Its the start of May and its snowing outside. I mean come on. When I told people over here that I hadn't seen snow in my life ~ They were like you are going to see a lot of snow kiddo. I guess they were right. I was wondering whats going to happen when I land in Karachi in the end of May Inshallah. I mean its really cold here and then I'll land in Karachi and Kaboom ~ Hot Hot Hot ~ Its still going to be so awesome. I mean I'll be all sweaty and stinky and Tinko and Minko would make a playground out of my ass (Tinko and Minko are my kiddo terms for mosquitos ~ I used to teach Ahmed how to kill em ~ Ahmed is my 6 year old cousin) . And then I will slap Tinko and splat Minko and kill em all. Hammad would probably have done all the bandobast. Mortien sprays and what not. Whatever the case, i still cant wait to get back home. I mean that unique aroma that Karachi offers, its just unmatchable. I am gonna ride those mini buses, eat those gol gappas, watch those stupid Star Plus Saas Bahu Dramas with Ammi and Nani and best of all ~ Sleep in MY Room !

Pakistan Embassy ~ Please dont shatter my dreams and send me the tickets that you guys promised me !